The reason I chose to read this book firstly was because it is set in Cape Town. For me, that already is a relatable point irrespective of what the story is about. Secondly, I was very intrigued after reading the synopsis at the back of the book. The Elephant in the Room follows the journey of a young girl, Lily, who struggles with an eating disorder. She hides this eating disorder from her family and friends for years. Late night trips to the kitchen was a norm, binge eating on a variety of snacks and luxuries became part of her lifestyle. She would hide all the luxury packets under her bed, so much so that she once found a dead mouse in between those packets. Lily also discovered that if she ate full on meals with her family, no one would notice that after the meal she would lock herself in the bathroom to throw up that entire meal into the toilet bowl. She became better and better at getting away with this technic that it literally went on for years. Now the question is, was she really that good at hiding it and no one noticed, or did her family know but chose to ignore it or shy away from it. She had a grandmother who was very controlling and a mother who showed very little interest or enthusiasm. This makes the name of the book very ironic.
The irony in the name
The saying “the elephant in the room” generally means there is something everyone in the room knows about or is thinking but does not want to address or mention it. Lily keeps her eating disorder a secret for years. Her family notices that she is becoming thinner and thinner but no one really tries to find out the reason for this. Everyone goes on as per normal and never really considers the reasons for her rapid weight loss. The second irony is that an elephant is big and bulky, the way Lily feels about herself. Hence the reason she started trying to lose weight.
Lily has a best friend, Jane, that she meets at school while in the lower grades. Due to a tragic incident where Lily’s family house burns down, they are forced to move to her grandmother’s farm. They unfortunately must change schools. After a few years Lily and her family move back to an area close to her old school and she is able to attend again. However, her best friend has made a new best friend in the interim, Vera. This little girl proceeds to belittle and exclude Lily at any opportunity given. To make matters worse, Jane does not stand up for Lily and participates in all Vera’s antics, making Lily feel even worse.
Self-esteem and bullying
I don’t believe that Vera belittling Lily or excluding her was the only trigger for Lily’s eating disorder, however, I do feel that it was a huge contributing factor. When someone already suffers from certain issues which requires a huge amount of self-discipline to conquer, having an over-powering or toxic person influence you just makes the process that much more difficult. For example: Lily had a love affair with food. She loved food so much that she would binge on luxuries and cakes. However, due to her complex surrounding the way she looked and her weight, the binge eating did not help one bit. Put those two together and you find that Lily is trying to fight two obsessions. Then the bullying from Vera. Vera’s behaviour towards Lily was one of Lily’s justifications as to why she needed to binge and then throw up her food after because she did not want to be “fat”.
Lily finally receives her wakeup call when her younger sister, Gracie, suffers a much worse fate. The Elephant in the Room was that, Gracie, was suffering from an eating disorder as well but no one knew or even paid attention to it.
This book really got me thinking and I felt that feeling of passion as I read it. I hate bullying and people putting one another down. You just never know when what you say or did with a nasty intention could be someone else’s trigger. It is sad when someone feels so down and so bad about themselves that they turn to many vices, not only bulimia or anorexia. It ranges from alcoholism, drugs and at times suicide. When someone feels hopeless and unhappy the worst thing is for them to be surrounded by people who provide negativity to their lives. It is important that we as friends, sisters, brothers, cousins, mothers, fathers, grandparents pay attention to our loved ones. It is important that we don’t brush our loved one’s emotions aside or label it as “being silly”. It is important that we actually listen. That we actually show that we are paying attention and that we make them feel that what they’re feeling isn’t silly or not worthy of attention.
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